The Goodly Tree

Written on the 7th of January, 2010

 A few days ago I had a dream in which I was being preached to by someone (I want to say it was me because I can recollect the words as being spoken through my own voice.) In my dream, I was being shown the extent of the effects each of my actions had generated, both the good and the bad ones. What was interesting however, was how I remember feeling shocked in my dream to see how incredible it was to witness how far-reaching a simple smile of mine might have gone to brighten not only one person’s day, but that of several people, as my smile’s recipient added my gesture to their own strength and passed on the torch of goodness unto those who needed it. Similarly, I was aghast to witness the ill effects of certain ill deeds I had committed and just how far its effects had spread, was truly frightening to me (at least in the innocence of my dream.) The last part of the dream had me shown the difference between acting righteously irreverent of the good returns and the concept of Karma itself. What I can remember from the dream was that Karma is simply a rule of nature; in that you reap what you sow and that many people use this as a check & balance to encourage good deeds in expectation of further good and fear retribution for ill deeds. The preacher, it seems, was trying to get me to see the difference between this way of thinking and that of being a good or bad “tree” [i.e- the parable of the tree spoken of in the Scriptures of the Qur'an and the Bible.] Living this way was intended to be for its own purpose, and not necessarily for the knowledge of earning future rewards from a good action or prohibiting bad actions for the fear of reprisal. Karma is simply the natural order of consequences under which all actions fall within, and this parable of being the good tree is no exception. So in fact, the voice was simply stating, that like Karma, actions have their consequences and that good actions bear good fruits for future good and bad actions stunt growth and cut off future good. When I had awoke, I felt like I had a new mission in life, (or at least a worthy resolution for the New Year.) I felt that I should live in such a way that, no matter the consequences, I become that “goodly tree;” to live to the best of my abilities and virtues with all whom I interact with, with no regrets for a good deed or well-intentioned action. This, of course, with an air of caution since not all well-intentioned actions are wise actions. That said, I felt this great feeling upon waking up and a renewed spirit to willingly put myself and my interests on jeopardy’s path if it meant ultimate good for more than just myself as each good deed we do for others will not only benefit its recipient but ultimately benefit us as well in some way. This was a feeling I had not felt in years, a feeling I had missed for some time and only felt in the height of my religiosity during my undergraduate college years. Call it a selfless love for my fellow man and woman, my brothers and sisters in humanity. It’s a deep treasure that needs protection from a world of theft and corruption of ideals so pristine they can only live deep within a pure heart. And I am no one to claim such a heart, but at the same time, we must all recognize the divine and pure Source that our hearts come from and that is God. I like to believe there is somewhere in our hearts – in each of us – a special place that cannot be corrupted because it was programmed to be resistant to evil, no matter how close it reaches this sacred spot, sort of like the ultimate hacker-proof file on a computer system, designed by the best of programmers – God Himself. This spot is like our Mecca and holy city where all ill is barred and prohibited from entering and corrupting the very source and essential core of what makes us human. It is this spot to which my dream addresses in each of us. To plant this seed of the goodly tree on the fertile soil of the pure and sacred spot within our hearts. If we start to see ourselves as an unstoppable mechanism for good in this world then we may just be able to overcome many of the obstacles to peace that we once thought insurmountable and unscalable. We should, from time to time, reflect on a simple bad deed we have done and see just how that behavior affected so many others on multiple levels. If that be the case of a simple bad action then what of a great one, and the greatest of our blunders? Similarly, we can restore hope by reflecting on the simple good acts and the greatest of good acts we’ve done and how much they really mean and weigh in the eyes of reality itself. We measure the value of something by the weight of its consequence but when the measurement is off due to the imperceptibility of each atom of weight, we are thrown off. Reality will be the judge of our actions, atom by atom, and give us our due by the true weight of what we have done on this Earth. This is only a reminder to myself and all of you who read this that we can avoid becoming the barren seed and tree which bears no fruit or use. We are each given life so that our life can give rise to more life, not that we restrict it, oppress it, or sentence it to death. We can each try at least to live like the goodly tree, whose roots are strong, skin is tough, branches are always ready to catch a blessing and provide food and rest for those under our care and when we pass from this world, our wood will give use to more positive ends. This is the meaning of the dream and I hope you and I can achieve it in our lifetimes, ameen.

Fix

"Fix"

By Ruhudeen Ali

November 4th, 2011

These thoughts are so rusted

These eyes are so tired

This body needs repair

Has the hope gone expired?

The excitement is so short

The pain is predictable

Regret retorts

The cycle is inevitable.

This feeling is so abused

The suffering seems endless

I am so confused

I do not pretend this.

The cure is so distant

The answers are lost

Yet the questions are persistent

Living on, but at what cost?

This scene is oft-played

The soul needs a prayer

This body has quickly-aged

Still it tarries toward despair.

This place was once scary

But now its home to this purpose gone rotten

To this weary body the pain is so normal

That the cure is now forgotten.

Halal Toxication

Written on the18th of April, 2009

So I’ve been poisoned apparently, though it was years ago. And ‘why’ do you say? For being an observant Muslim it seems. Ok, well that’s not entirely true. But I’ll tell the story anyway….

Since 2000 as a Freshman in college, I had observed to the best of my ability the Islamic ruling on eating only halal (zabihah) food while at school. It was not something I had done my entire life as I was raised somewhat ‘secular’ but stayed away from culturally significant haram practices less so religiously prohibited ones. It was a struggle at first, like all uphill battles, but luckily my soul wasn’t so far into hell that I couldn’t get myself to do this. But what I do recall is how my Arab brethren were braggingly advertising the permissibility of eating ‘ahl al kitab’ or the meat of ‘the People of the Book’ (which is actually halal.)

No, this does not mean that they were eating the meat off the Jews and Christians. It meant eating the same meat that they were allowed (via Mosaic Law) to eat as well (i.e- Kosher.) Only their definition of what was included in ‘ahl al kitab’ varied from what my personal views on the matter were; namely the inclusion of any and all permissible animals slaughtered and served in this country. The logic was that this country (America) is a Christian country and that the meat of this country falls under the banner of ‘ahl al kitab.’ It didn’t take me long to completely dismiss their argument, but what I did envy was their apparent nonchalance and ease when choosing items of food to eat. Meanwhile, I was the guy who had to eat either:

1. Pizza 
2. Pasta 
3. The occasional halal meal (fridays) 
4. Sushi 
5. Fish burgers 
6. Or my absolute ‘favorite’ default meal – Tuna sandwiches 

That's a lot of fish huh? Which brings me to the the story of how I was presumably poisoned. In my freshman year, I ate a tuna sandwich everyday. Everyday; at least once, sometimes twice. Now let me give you a picture of how much tuna is packed into a college sandwhich. Normally a regular size can of tuna contains 5 oz. (142g) of meat which is about 2 serving sizes. However, these sandwhichs had easily 7 – 7.5 oz. of meat per sandwhich. That meant that I was getting anywhere from 7 oz. – 15 oz. of tuna, daily. This does not even include the days where I would make my own sandwhichs (tuna of course) at home after coming back from classes. As a general rule though, I would not eat more than 2 tuna sandwhichs a day (this was even before I learned about mercury poisoning.) The following years (2001-2004) I cut down on my tuna intake and averaged about 4-5 sandwhichs per week and would eat either pizza, pasta, sushi, or burgers (fish burgers mind you) for the other meals. There was hardly a day I can remember (and thanks to the mercury poisoning I can barely remember anything!) where I wasn’t eating some kind of fish – it was the safest choice for a Muslim kid trying to be observant and staying away from non-zabiha meat (or so I thought at the time.)

As early as 2003, I can still remember that I was experiencing strange physiological differences in my head which I had never felt before. At the time, I didn’t think much of it. I figured I was simply depressed and had a lack of focus in my career path, etc. I lived in a basement of a house at the time so I just blamed it on the lack of sunlight, sadly, it would be my fate to live in basements for the remainder of my college years so the ‘basement = no sunlight’ hypothesis was a convenient explanation for the strange feelings I was having. I would sometimes feel electric currents running in parts of my head, parts of my head would suddenly feel cold and at other times, numb. Strange pains and sensations would occur but it wasn’t really until I had started losing my short-term (working) memory that I started taking real notice of it.

By that time it was 2004 and I remember sharing this story with a friend about the strange sensations in my head, she told me that I should just go to the clinic if I was really concerned but that it was probably just stress from school. So I didn’t think much of it and continued to brush it off. I had taken the 2005 school year off due to family reasons and upon returning home, I had regressed back to old habits and thoughts and felt my depression coming back. It started dawning on me that perhaps the depression was the cause of my lack of concentration, focus, and memory (as is common in depression.) So I had begun taking nutritional supplements (gingko biloba) and others (Focus Factor) to help boost my slipping memory, which was really beginning to alarm me by this point. Upon returning to school in 2006, I remember I was afraid that I could no longer comprehend the difficult material I was accustomed to in some of my hardest classes (due to the concentration/focus/memory retention factors) and read something I had written in my earlier years and barely even recognized it as my own work! Things were looking weird.

However, I successfully completed the semester with a 4.0 GPA and aced the 2 hardest classes of my college career thus far – it was a resounding victory for me in that I knew I had conquered the doubting demon that was trying to tell me that I was going ‘mad.’ Sadly, that demon had other plans for me the following years.

Since 2006, I have been living at home, taking care of my sick mother, doing errands/chores, and managing bills and other duties of all kinds (aside from the caretaking.) For 101 other reasons, I was justified in losing my mind. But this was different – I had started forgetting important memories, childhood hallmarks I had remembered for my whole life. I was getting scared and depressed. I didn’t know why I was losing so much of my memory. I felt I was being cursed for my sins and slowly began slipping even more because of all this.

It was during my years at home that I came to the knowledge of heavy-metal toxication (namely in the form of mercury poisoning,) what its symptoms are, how long it lasts, how to avoid it etc. I learned that the FDA recommends about 12 oz. of various fish per week (lower in mercury content of course.) Sadly, I was getting a minimum of 35 oz per week – nearly three times the FDA recommendation per week, for about six months a year, for the course of six years total. And to make matters worse, of all fish, it was tuna. Due to the relatively high concentration of mercury in[albacore] tuna, many physicians discourage pregnant women from eating tuna altogether to avoid birth defects in infants.

Tuna, shellfish, shark, and other large fish contain higher levels of methylmercury (the form of organic mercury converted in water) which accrue through a process known as ‘bioaccumulation.’ The way it works is that natural elemental mercury will find its way into water (and in the case of most of the tri-state area) large industries will dump mercury-waste straight into the waters as well. The little fish will naturally take in trace amounts of mercury whereby larger predatorial fish will eat the smaller ones, building up the mercury levels through accumulation. The cycle continues until the largest fish in the ecosystem eat the little guys and have built up quite a bit of mercury in their systems. These big fish then make their way into our stomachs and yup, you guessed it – if you eat enough of it, you get poisoned. The tri-state area is actually found to have the highest degree of mercury content in its surrounding waters than any other region in the entire nation, as can be seen in the picture at the bottom of the post.

It is so potent in fact, that the FDA allows 5000 times less amount of mercury than it does even lead! Some symptoms of mercury poisoning are (taken by the EPA:)

• Impairment of the peripheral vision 
• Disturbances in sensations (“pins and needles” feelings, numbness) usually in the hands feet and sometimes around the mouth 
• Lack of coordination of movements, such as writing Impairment of speech, hearing, walking; 
• Muscle weakness 
• Skin rashes 
• Mood swing 
• Memory loss 
• Mental disturbance 

And sadly, I had experienced nearly all of these symptoms during the course of the years. Unfortunately mercury poisoning takes years of detoxification and if in large enough amounts can cause irreversible changes in brain chemistry. This is in no way an exhaustive research article on the subject and I encourage you all to read up more on the devastating long-term effects of mercury poisoning (and other toxin exposure) as these toxins are, unfortunately more common than we may think.

So back to my story of being an observant little good Muslim. Nobody told me about the dangers of eating too much fish and now I am suffering heavily because of it. There is no telling when (or if) these symptoms will be abated and/or if they can be compounded by other organic symptoms and changes in brain chemistry through things like depression, hormonal changes, and neurotransmitter levels. Without knowledge of the subject, I was duped into poisoning myself, but I write this in the hopes that it will warn others not to rely overly on one or two sources of food. A well-balanced diet is always recommended no matter how busy you may be. This is particularly common among Muslims in the West who are faced with problems concerning halal food and the ‘quick fish’ alternative. This matter must be more thoroughly researched and presented in our communities so that we can be armed with knowledge and make healthier choices in food. Don’t even ask how bad my memory is now….

(I live in an area with concentrated levels of mercury in its waters)

KMFDM - Glory

This song should be the anthem of the Occupy Movement that's spreading around this country.

"WAR AND SLAVERY EXPLOITATION THE COMMON BASIS OF A WESTERN NATION OFFICIAL VERSION, A FALSIFIED STORY THE TRUTH LIES BURIED IN A SHROUD OF GLORY INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE AREN'T SERVING TIME FOR BEING INVOLVED IN ORGANIZED CRIME BUT STASHED AWAY IN BEAUTIFUL MANSIONS GUESS WHO PROVIDES FOR THEIR GENEROUS PENSIONS OPPRESSION, IGNORANCE, CENSORSHIP RULE EDUCATION IS MORE THAN WHAT'S TAUGHT IN SCHOOL FORCED IN A MOLD, HELD DOWN BY THREATS DECISIONS ARE MADE OVER OUR HEADS BUT THERE IS A WAY TO REFUSE AND RESIST WE DON'T NEED TO BE RULED WITH THE IRON FIST WE ARE THE PEOPLE, WE ARE STRONG LET'S MAKE UP OUR MINDS AND PROVE'EM WRONG BLACK MAN WHITE MAN YELLOW MAN BLACK MAN WHITE MAN RIP THE SYSTEM (X2) RELIGION AND TV, WE'RE UNDER THE THUMB PRONE TO BELIEVE 'COZ WE'RE ALREADY NUMB BUT THERE IS A WAY TO REFUSE AND RESIST WE DON'T NEED TO BE RULED WITH THE IRON FIST WE ARE THE PEOPLE, WE ARE STRONG LET'S MAKE UP OUR MINDS AND PROVE'EM WRONG BLACK MAN WHITE MAN YELLOW MAN BLACK MAN WHITE MAN RIP THE SYSTEM (X2)

Layers of Love

By Ruhudeen Ali
October 24th, 2011

Love me as a slave

I'll be your servant, that I may love you as my mistress

then let me be your chief

so that you may love me as my harlot,

therein lies the design of power and lust.

Love me as a subordinate

I'll be your laborer, that I may love you as my superior

then let me be your manager

so that you may love me as my worker,

therein lies the nature of duty and justice.

Love me as a fan

I'll be your groupie, that I may love you as my idol

then let me be your role model

so that you may love me as my zealot,

therein lies the rubric of attraction and admiration.

Love me as a student

I'll be your pupil, that I may love you as my teacher

then let me be your mentor

so that you may love me as my apprentice,

therein lies the essence of reverence and adoration.

Love me as an equal

I'll be your brother, that I may love you as my sister

then let me be your best friend

so that you may love me as my peer,

therein lies the fundamentals of friendship and respect.

Love me as a companion

I'll be your lover, that I may love you as my wife

then let me be your husband

so that you may love me as my spouse,

therein lies the cornerstone of fidelity and partnership.

Love me as a child

I'll be your son, that I may love you as my mother

then let me be your father

so that you may love me as my daughter,

therein lies the blueprint of guardianship and compassion.

Love me as a sinner

I'll be your devotee, that I may love you as my saint

then let me be your sheikh

so that you may love me as my disciple,

therein lies the foundation of grace and devotion.

Love me as a minion

I'll be your worshipper, that I may love you as my goddess

then let me be your lord

so that you may love me as my follower

therein lies the mystery of worship and piety.

Love me as a creation

I'll be your servant, that I may love you as my God

then let me be Your vicegerent

so that You may love me in my imagination,

therein lies the plan of love and existence.