The Freakin Man...?

I have on occasion been called "the freakin' man." But what I wish to clear up is that this allegation is not at all true. First of all, if anything, I'd be a freakin' man and not the freakin' man since there are over six billion people on this planet; I am only one among multitudes of 'freakin' [the adjective] people. Secondly, "freakin" is a euphemism for f#!@ing [the verb oft-used in profanity] and I am a virgin, alhamdulillah, so this is not true. I am however, able to freak (so-to-speak) [alhamdulillah] so I am not afreakin in the sense that a living organism can be asexual; that is to say "without freaking" (if that makes any sense.) That is to say, I do not reproduce with myself. In other words, I am freak-able (...um, yea.) However, I am not able to freak just yet (see below.) I am also not Afreekan (African) for you Urdu speakers.

I am simply, a man. A single man- that is what I am. I am not plural, I am in the singular and I happen to also be single, (not being redundant.) What I mean is, I'm available for a relationship where I can be "freakin" [the verb] provided its halal [i.e-marriage.]) So the truth of the matter is, it is conditional upon taking a wife whereby I can be eligible to be a freakin man. IF I can do that well enough (just being rational here,) I may be promoted to the freakin man, but then again, how would she know? Is she comparing me to someone or others before me? In that case, I'd consider the possibility of divorce and go back to being just a plain man, possibly an old one (God forbid.) Unless of course, she did tawba of any past mistakes of zina and we loved each other, for no one is perfect and we all have our own baggage of sins, myself included. In anycase, to be the freakin [verb] man, I'd need to have multiple partners (which is not happening) and in Paradise, though it sounds nice, is probably not my aim once I get there - if I even get there in the first place. There is always the possibility that I could remarry or have multiple wives but this too is uncertain and especially in the case of the latter, unlikely.

So you see, to be the freakin man, I'd either have to be a wild playboy in this life or do so in Hell, which is probably -scratch that- certainly not happening, which only leaves this life to decide whether or not it is true. I've already shown that unless I have multiple partners for freakin, (in the event of remarriages) I can only be a freakin not the freakin man. But to be honest, I do not want to be given such a title anyway, since I'd rather not have the subject of sex be attached to my name. I came from the dirt and I will be buried in the dirt, and that is a dry place - no room for anything hot n' steamy (although technically I suppose it can get hot in the summer-time.) Anyways, like I was saying, I am not the freakin man neither am I a freakin man - I am only a man that will one day return to the sands. Therefore, I must be a simple man; pious, loving, caring, responsible, moral, giving very freakin [adjective] much if I am ever to be the freakin man. If that is what makes me the freakin [adj.] man, than I would be very glad, and its okay to call me so. However, I still say that my friends are very confused for insinuating this allegation :P.