Dear Old Friend

By Ruhudeen Ali
April 29th, 2004

I clenched my fist in hope that I would defend,
the honor I thought I'd never bend.
Now you see I only pretend.
It is time to make amends
all faults, I ask you to transcend.
You & I, on each other we used to depend,
to each other's needs we would attend.
We used to seek Paradise that together we may ascend,
but times have changed resulting in an unclear blend.
you ask me "have I changed?" I say "it depends,"
even if I say so, could you comprehend?
You didn't know a thing,
all you saw was the act of being innocent,
and how could you know, my dear friend?
That your friend was climbing out of Hell from its deep-end.
Would that I had asked for a rope in those days, perhaps you would lend?
What else can a slave do but repent?
But you didn't know I was below you because I lied,
living a life of suicide.
Didn't care what moment brought what,
humans can be lower than mutts.
Along with all the people I smiled.
It was only a mask that beguiled,
fooling the rest of you into thinking
I was anything more than a weakling.
But now I'm different and yet,
still the same old regret.
For the past is a shame,
to dwell on it, lame.
But the future is still in the air
for me to be bold and prepare
my new life away from despair.
The grief I've been through I will not share.
With mere words how can I declare
the pain that which few can compare.
So dear friend, remember me and do not forget
that special day when we met.
So if you are in need of a friend, remember that person,
do not look to this perversion.