The Pharmacist Rap

Check it, its the pharmacist rap

By Ruhudeen Ali

I had a customer today
said back in the day he did a lot of *yay
but now he's gettin high off Ephedrine
had a dispute with his brethren
got punched in the mid-section
now he's feeling nauseous
and he needs me to fill him some Reglan.

I asked if his girlfriend was still pregnant, the Latino
he said "no but she's still on immunos"
I asked what kind he said Rapamune
"how much does she consume?"
"3mg twice a day I presume"
in the meantime I filled his Reglan and said
"that's $5 co-pay and lay off the shrooms"
He left the room and the next customer walked in rather soon.

He looked kinda thin and said "Lemarkus, Prograf"
the pharmacy was short of 0.5mg Tacrolimus so I said
"can you come back a little after half past? I'm a little short on staff"
Then stepped in a lady she looked kinda crazy
had a long list of meds you could tell she was shady
tryin to stock up on refills before they were due
don't know if it was for maintenance drugs
or for a satanist cult but she wanted Percocet and Tylenol 3
that's with Codeine so I had to get mean
she said "its for my spleen" then I heard her moan
so I knew she needed the Prednisone so I told her
"call us tomorrow on the phone we'll have it sent to your home."

Meanwhile another woman storms in
I said "lady your late, here's your Amlodopine Besylate"
then she sat for her blood pressure, the cuff was against the wall
I thought to myself she could probably use some Metoprolol
cuz I'm sure her pressure would be high
kinda like that guy who came in earlier who asked for Furosemide
but he was bloated and with fluid he was prone
so for good measure I gave him some Metolazone
but told him to watch for his Potassium in-case it drops
then taking the meds in conjunction he needs to stop.

Then came a man who was so sick he could barely stand
(was he the one who ordered the Diovan?)
he looked so frail but my way he wasn't facin
I gave him his Ciprofloxacin and told him to be patient
He wanted to know how long it'd be
I told him first he'd have to finish his course of TMP-SMZ
And for his inflammations he needed the Naproxen
but he was short on cash so I told him its the same as Motrin
He asked me about Robaxin "I said its a muscle relaxant"
He then left the pharmacy but forgot his Levothyroxine
for his thyroid problems, or maybe I'm mistaken?

Then came in the shipment of 500mg Cellcept
the boxes were well-kept and he brought in some more
the phone rang and it was the doctor calling in for Mrs. Johnson's Lipitor
"Make it 40mg he said"
Quickly came in Mr. Bell who had a fungal problem
I said "here Mr. Bell there's your Nystatin no problem"
"And if you can, ask your doctor to order the Diflucan"
But he seemed unsatisfied and replied
"where the hell is my Plavix??"
I said "I'm sorry sir but today we don't have it"
In came a young man telling me about his father's GERD unresolved
I asked him if he's still taking 20mg of Omeprazole
he said "Yes but he also needs the Insulin"
"Not to sound mean or anything
but isn't he on the Humalog and the Glargine?"

Next came in Mrs. Thomas who was pregnant
she came in to pick up the 150mg Niferex
because last time she didn't pick up the whole supply and was running late
but this time she took it all and finally took the Docusate
I told her that for a pregnant lady her Calcium needs to be up to par
so I asked her if the doctor had ordered any Sensipar
then from outside I saw a car, it was her husband yelling from afar
"I'm getting late" she said "Take care, and don't forget to fill the Benicar!"

It was now 8PM and it was time to close
finally after a long and stressful day
I get home so I can rest my toes
"Who knows what tomorrow holds"
The thought of the customers cramming in droves
drove me crazy as I heated up some soup on the stove
"Tomorrow's another day another pill to refill,
and some more new customers who are ill"
I wasn't really stressed because I knew the drill
I got in my pajamas shut off the light and took my Benadryl.

* yay = cocaine