Women: The Guardians of Sexuality

By Ruhudeen Ali

Before anyone comes lashing out at me assuming this essay will be about the exploitation of women in any shape or form, or that women are prone to sexuality (because of the title,) or anything presuming that I, a male writing about women and sexuality, seek to prove women as any way inferior to men - rest assured - that is not the intent of this writing. It is not an attempt to legitimize the echoes from the ages of male-chauvinism, nor is it a salute to feminism nor "female-chauvinism." This is not about the equality of the sexes, men and women are not equal and at the same time, they most certainly are. This is not a cheap lecherous read about sex and the nasty, nor is it about the profanity in the act of passion. It is not an examination about flesh but an analysis of an idea, a concept that has erupted within our society since ages long passed. What is sexuality, and why is it important to answer this question? What role does sexuality play with modesty? For we cannot answer the question of modesty without an examination of its counterpart. Sexuality is defined as thus: "recognition of or emphasis upon sexual matters," [1] but this I say, is a rather simplistic understatement of the concept. The expression of sexuality is a power. It is a trait, a trait very much like other human and animal traits by way of exhibition yet different in nature.

All traits serve a purpose and it is to fulfill the object of the trait's function that gives it its purpose. Men and women both exhibit sexuality but unlike expressions such as "kindness," "forbearance," and "grace," sexuality is a power that is initiated by either gender, but preserved by one. That is to say, said traits can be expressed by both men and women at any time, including sexiness, but its custodial rights belong to the gender that has control over the function to which that trait was designed to fulfill. Traits like "patience" and "virtue" can be found among males and females alike but these traits are more abstract than the trait of being sexy which by its nature serves to perform a clear function, while more abstract traits such as "cheerfulness" for example do not have a clear resulting function. Cheerfulness can make one happy or it can help null depression, for example. "Beauty" can be said to serve the purpose of attraction, while "strength" can be said to serve the purpose of defense and protection/preservation. These are more concrete examples of traits and their resultant functions. Sexiness is just another example of a concrete trait that serves a function, the function of coitus. This is the time to ask, "Why then are women the custodians of sexuality? And if so, why is it exclusive to them?" Further discussion will hopefully reveal the answers to these questions.

As it stands now, by appraisal of human history and reflection of our modern society, this is our sad truth, that unfortunately, females are still universally recognized the world-over as "sex-objects." Not that women are objectified and reduced to mere fleshy gratifications, but that its the "object" that has an aura of sexuality to it. Before assuming this was a blatant sexist, bigoted statement, consider the following: We have, in our modern times, attempted to proverbially "dawn the veil" over issues of women's sexuality. The Feminist movement seeks to remove the stigmatic mark of sexuality from women just as much as it attempts to "androgenize" men and women with respect to ability, ideals, emotions, goals, rights, and other issues for which neither gender should be evaluated by the curves nor the parts of their bodies, but by the very spirit that makes us all human. That being said, Feminism has not removed sexuality from the female entirely, it rather seeks to purify it from the male-dominated market which manipulates it. That is to say, Feminism, nor male-chauvinism, nor any other kind of gender-interest movement has ever entirely removed the tag of sexuality away from the female. She's still a "Pretty Woman" and there is still "Sex in the City." The woman still has sex appeal, no matter the times we live in, and unless things evolve in a revolutionary fashion, that is likely to be left unchanged. "Sex appeal" can be defined simply as "the ability to excite people sexually" or more elaborately as an "immediate appeal or obvious potential to interest or excite others, as by appearance, style, or charm." [Ibid] So what is the connection to sexuality? Sex appeal is the expression of sexuality. Given the theory that sexuality is owned by women, it would then seem logical for its expression (i.e - sex appeal) to come naturally to women. Research would likely indicate women as having more sex appeal than men in general - irreverent to sexual preference or orientation. For example, were we to take a global statistical study of straight men (and how often these men) feel sexually attracted to women and vice-versa, there is almost no contest that the women would be the more likely attraction by a show of numbers. Similarly, if an analysis of gays, lesbians, and bi-sexuals can show that there is a greater number of lesbians and female bi-sexuals in the world than there are of gay men and male bi-sexuals in total (assuming that the difficulty of coming out of the closet is equalized for both men & women,) then we can reasonably conclude that the female sex is more sexually attractive as a whole than the male sex (at least for the human species.) One need not look too far as there are more women used in advertisements than are men, for the purpose of enticing us toward the product. We already see a degree of possessiveness that the female has over sexuality in respect of her dominance in this area, and rightfully so. This is one part of the answer.

Human females, along with females of countless other species who sexually reproduce, usually have the final word on who gets to mate with her. That is to say, the female has the power to give or withhold sex from any anxious males. This is what is meant by her "control over the function to which that trait (i.e - sexuality) was designed to fulfill." Looking past biology's role in this factor, women clearly have the say more times than men on who is having sex, when, and how often. This gives her control and in essence, power. We know that sexuality can sometimes be a power struggle between the two agents and rape is a prime example of this. Rape is nothing more than an agent seeking to dominate another to gain a sense of power over the victim. Though rape is extreme, healthy sex can also exhibit a degree of this power struggle. So if the female can have control over most sexual matters, it is fair to say that she holds the key to sexuality itself if we say that sex appeal is a door that leads to the act of intercourse. Men usually have to exert themselves in the process of courtship in gaining acceptance by the female or otherwise take a coercive and manipulative route (i.e- sexual harassment.) Being that males do not make this decision about who gets to mate and when, they naturally lack power in this respect with regard to the female. In other words, women have power over men sexually. With any kind of power comes responsibility and women have realized this, but just as any creature would use a skill or talent to improve its living, women have also used their sexual abilities to advance themselves in society. Modeling, beauty pageants, and prostitution are a few institutes that have used this power of the woman for their own purposes. If women saw these institutes as being sexist by nature, then they would refuse (where possible and free of coercion) to support them but many of them choose not to. This because they know their power has influence on the men in the society and can earn them a handsome wealth monetarily. Whether that is right or wrong is for the women to decide how to ethically use their power in the appropriate manner without the opinions of men.

History is a slide-show of power struggles all around and gender identity comes as no exception to this. Though this is not a new discovery by any means, history can show us examples of societies that recognized this power in the woman and either embellished it or tried to suppress it. Cultures around the world recognize this power of seduction in women but more often than not abuse that power either by shamelessly exploiting it or burying it to the point of nonsense. If it is true that this is one area that women clearly have a dominance over men, then it would come as no surprise that the battle of the sexes would have something to do with the female's sexual power and the expression or repression of it. The Bible attempts to vilify Eve as the sexual temptress for which the Original Sin came about (i.e - sex) and this was man's way of curbing the power of women. Many cultures around the world expect their women to cover modestly to varying degrees and yet other cultures take the opposite approach and encourage scantily-clad dress, where there is nothing of the sort that is expected of men. Men are not held to the cloth-standard of modesty that women are. But who set these rules in the first place? Did men invent the myth of Eve in order to point their fingers at her as the paragon of promiscuity? Or did women themselves decide that this power of theirs should be preserved and remain unadulterated and decided to cover themselves in certain ways? We know that history has cycles of liberal and conservative values and that the economy and events of the age also have a bearing on women's modesty and sexuality, effecting everything from domestic values to fashion. But certain dress codes have been endorsed by the ages within certain cultures, and one of the ones that will be discussed here is the hijab or "veil" of the Muslim community.

Not unlike the covering prescribed for Jewish and Christian women in those faiths, Islam has a prescription for hijab that is usually only spoken of in terms of the external covering of the woman but it is actually a code of modesty that applies to both women and men. The men are instructed to lower their gazes in front of women to reduce inappropriate, unsolicited glances and dress modestly while the women are instructed to do the same, although there is much more involved (and disputed) when concerning the woman's role in the code of hijab. Everything from how much she should cover to when, and in front of who, has been an issue of contention for centuries among scholars and there is no real definitive "hijab" that Muslim women can say is the official. As Islam spread across Arabia, North Africa, Europe, and the Indian subcontinent, every culture that embraced Islam saw a different form of hijab. Some of these cultures were more rigid in their interpretations while others were more loose, and the women of these cultures wore their hijabs according to custom. However, covered or not, women all across the world throughout the ages have been subject to the extremes; on both sides of the veil as it were. In Saudi Arabia for example, women are not allowed to drive even and emigrate without a mahram (a man who is religiously and legally unable to marry her or have such relations.) Rules that did not even apply during the Prophet Muhammad's times. Stories from parts of the Muslim world have left a sour taste in the mouths of the sane - horror stories of girls who had to suffer death under a burning school - not allowed to escape - simply because they were not veiled at the time, and women gang-raped and killed because they were looked at by a man of an outside tribe and accused of adultery without any proof. The Prophet (s) himself fought for the rights of these very women during his own times, of the oppressed and abandoned. His society had a similar problem where women had no rights; female babies were subject to infanticide, sons would inherit their mothers after their father's passing, and whore houses were just around the corner. Men would marry as many women as they wanted with no limit, and no one knows how prevalent adultery was. This was called the Arab's "Age of Jahiliyya" (Ignorance.) The Prophet came to restore modesty and respect for the woman, giving her previously unheard of rights, and honor her sexuality by placing limits and restrictions on how, when, and who can have relations with Muslim women. It was an unprecedented victory for womens' rights in those times, and Islam set such a high standard that even today, the majority of Muslim converts are women.

1,429 years later, though much has changed many things remain the same. Women are still objectified like the way they were in the days of the Prophet, both in the Muslim world and the West. But here in the West, women are believed to be liberated and equal to men, though all of this is just rhetoric with no real substance behind it except hypocrisy. A man and woman of equal education, credentials, and position do not earn the same salary and the woman is short-changed. Respect for women is spoken by word but betrayed through action. The commercial industry cannot sell a product without a woman's figure or suggestive theme related to her. Prostitution and pornography is no longer a legal matter for government regulation but rather a booming enterprise, (similar to human trafficking in other parts of the world,) adultery is rampant and there is no shortage of lewdness and misogyny referenced in popular culture. The media perpetuates the unrealistic image of the "sexy" woman as a sensual toothpick propped-up, make-up in place, with the occasional curves courtesy of photo-editing. In this society a woman is sexy if she shows skin - the more the better - and she is threatened with insults of being fat, a religious nun, or in the extreme even branded as a lesbian if she does not fit the mold. Is this womens' liberation or a facade for neo-male-chauvinism? They may not have to wear the veil, and can choose to dress as they please but at what expense? Dress for who's pleasure? The ideal society envisioned for women must be through their own eyes and not the twisted and perverted eyes of lecherous men. There needs to be a balance in order, we cannot have women in burqas with fish-nets over their eyes in the East and naked women on beaches and nude-colonies wearing nothing but sunglasses in the West. We cannot have women segregated from the activities which they have every right to enjoy simply due to "rules of modesty," which itself is a nonsensical attempt to indoctrinate humility. Neither can we have naked women plastered everywhere, inviting sexuality into areas of life where it should be left out. For in truth, in the case of both pardah (i.e - full cover) and g-strings, if anything, reinforce the idea in society that a woman's primary value is in her sexuality - which is simply wrong and untrue. What need is there for a female doctor to wear pardah while operating on a male patient who's primary concern is his mortality and not the potential sexiness of his savior? Does this not introduce sexuality where it is not relevant nor necessary? And what of the toothpaste product with the woman in her bra, brushing her teeth? Why would a man need to think of a woman in her bra before buying something he should need without her persuasion? Does this not introduce sexuality where it is not relevant nor necessary? In societies that exhibit this high degree of sexuality - both pardah and bikini alike - only serve to sexualize everything, in-turn frustrating the natural urges of men and making them even more aggressive. Such a pressure can only lead to unhealthy consequences for both genders. Hyper and hyposexual societies have a higher prevalence of paraphilias because of the irregulation of the female power of sexuality. It is due to the misuse, abuse, and lack of respect for her power as a sexual being that our societies suffer from the types of diseases, both physical and mental, that they are plagued by.

It is the major theme of this writing that women are the custodians and guardians of sexuality and therefore hold sway over matters of promiscuity and sexual degradation as well as sexual integrity and licit sexuality. This does not mean that they are solely responsible for the failed outcome of such regulation as that is outside of their control, and largely influenced by the fancy of perverted men. However, it does mean that the standards set, basic restrictions, and control over how much sex our society should be seeing/having is ultimately in her hands. Of course men also play a vital role in how sexuality plays out in society and should be held responsible as it is a two-way street, but that has more to do with the effects of sexuality and not the power of sexuality - in which mens' role is nothing more than auxiliary. If she chooses to be promiscuous, either by choice or tricked into believing this is the norm by horny men, then she will be setting the example and trend for other women to do the same and men will readily take the bait, pressuring other women to follow those womens' example and set the whole vicious cycle in motion. For women are at the top of the sexual heirarchy of power, if the top in command let everything loose then the rest will naturally follow suit and the way for a promiscuous society will be underway. Sexuality is a gate that is controlled by the standards that women set for themselves. If that standard is entrusted for the men to decide then it will quickly form a recipe for lewdness in society. Women need to take charge of what is naturally theirs and not let men tell them what is sexy and what is not, since it is the woman who naturally defines what is sexy and what is not. The ball has been taken out of her court, but as soon as she can bring it back the sooner society will see dramatic positive changes. A measure of a society's modesty stems from the sexuality of its constituents and we have already discussed how it is the woman's domain to protect sexuality, thereby affecting and essentially preserving modesty as well. This is precisely why modesty and sexuality need to be in the care of women and not a matter decided by men. If she decides she wants to cover herself in modesty within reasonable boundaries (i.e - hijab or other forms of modest dress;) this may well be the best prescription to remedy the ills of a shameless society. This is not to say that women who do not cover are promoting promiscuity or immodesty, rather, that by letting sex get out of their hands, it naturally fell in the hands of men, and society has seen the desires of men for too long, and we see the result. It is time that the woman takes her rightful place as "queen of sexuality" and reign from her throne as she deems fit. Nature has sided in her favor by granting her the charms she has and it is only natural for her to do so, it should not be something she should be penalized for but rewarded for if she tries in earnest to guard society from excessive sexuality as only she can control. And she should know that the caring, sincere, and loving men will support her in this endeavor so that we may all see a day where man and woman can be together without sex being an issue that tugs at them to act in ways that they otherwise would not act. These men will respect and acknowledge womens' right in this respect and the sooner they accept this truth, the sooner we as a society can start drying the tears and healing the hearts of billions of disaffected women who's only crime was that they were beautiful and suffered for it.

***DISCLAIMER*** I'm not against the practice of pardah itself, just as (being a man) I have nothing against women wearing bikinis. This article, if anything, seeks to respect women and their inherent power of sexuality and how if it is not respected by men and society, it will lead to problems for that society. What I am against is the unnecessary situations where pardah and bikinis introduce sexuality where its irrelevant. I feel I am justified in that view again, being a man and speaking from a man's perspective, that's what I see. There are just some circumstances where either of the two extremes of cloth (full or none) seem nonsensical. That being said, I have the utmost respect for women of all shades of modesty and as a man it is not my place to judge them for what they wear or choose not to.


FOOTNOTES

[1] - www.dictionary.com