Memoirs of a Female Dog

November 4th, 2008

Hello everyone. My name is Rolfina, and I'm a 13-year old bitch. I'm currently living with a master by the name of George. At this stage in my life I've got to admit, I'm pretty happy. I've got a huge white house to live in (for free mind you!) a loving litter of kids, (though my puppy-daddy left me for some other bitch) and a kind family taking care of me. I'd say I'm pretty loyal to my master. Whatever he tells me to do, I'll do it. Whatever he gives me to eat and drink, I won't complain (although on occasion, I'll piss on his morning paper if I'm upset with him.) Sometimes he takes away my favorite food before I get to even eat it, or he'll forget to reward me for something good I did. But this doesn't happen often as he's usually pretty good with keeping me pleased. And as such, I like to make him happy and provide company and protection for him and his family.

Today is election day and I hear my master talking about some guys named Obama and Mccain. Now Mccain, I hear, is very old; something like the equivalent of 24 in dog-years. His running-mate, Sarah Palin sounds about as smart as my cousin who says "she's one of us alright!" (Though I find that insulting.) Didn't she just get prank-called by a fake Nicolas Sarkozy? She may be able to see Russia from her state of governance but so what? I can see my neighbors young, hot dog from my house, does that mean I give the dog a bone? Please woman, you are not as smart as half the bitches I know, and that's saying a lot! Anyways, where was I? Yeah okay so on the one paw you've got a 24-year old dog equivalent of a human and a woman who's got half the brain of a bitch running for the office of President and Vice-President? Seriously people. Wake up!

Obama on the other paw is eloquent. I heard him speak one day when I was eating my Kibbles N' Bits outside and I was just dumb-struck by how much sense he was making about healthcare and the war. You see, I disagree with my master on this issue because George wants the troops to stay the course in Iraq. Obama is opposed to this in fact. Most dogs don't know this but the reality of Iraq is not what the mainstream media tells the humans. I have spoken to a lot of fellow canines, who have host-families with members in the army, and from what they over heard from military families would frighten the average American. Iraq is in shambles and the war was a disaster. The U.S government has spent billions and billions on this war for eight years now, and for what result? A more unstable world. Your average American is now worrying about losing his job, his home, and his retirement pension. Americans are becoming more and more like us dogs, roaming the streets with no place to go. I happen to be among the fortunate few - educated, beautiful, and wealthy bitches across America, but even I know that my fellow dogs are hurting. Unfortunately there are just too many dogs who are not getting proper nutrition and healthcare. Just imagine if tomorrow the troops came home and the war ended, how much more money could we get the government to commit to the Animal Rights' movement? This country needs a change. We need lobbies like the "People Against the Cruel Treatment of Dogs" (PACTD) and "Bitch Please!" - a non-profit organization for the advancement and awareness of feminism among male-chauvanist canine cirlces- to stand up for our rights and bring much needed changes to our society. It starts with a dream and then resolve.

Last year when I was in the kennel, I met this very knowledgable canine elder who told me about this human named "Martin Luther King Jr" and his famous "I have a Dream" speech. The man was one of the leading members of the Civil Rights movement in this country. There was also another man who went by the name of "Malcolm X" who also played a crucial role in the movement. And when I heard that name for the first time, I thought maybe "DMX" was a dog-lover following in Malcolm's footsteps, trying to liberate my kind but he was just a rapper after-all. In anycase, I have hope that we canines too can mobilize ourselves to free ourselves from the bondage of human enslavement. Dogs everywhere are hurting to be free and there is much work left to be done. We can start by convincing the humans to vote for Obama, since his policies are more likely to favor the needs of canines and humans alike over that of Mccain's. Change is only part of the solution, the rest is through commitment and good policy. I'm confident that Obama - through seeking interspecies dialogue and negotiations with no pre-conditions - has the right approach in this matter. I believe if we cooperate with the humans we can see an age of unprecedented flourishing of canine-kind. I'll try convincing George to change his mind about his vote! So, if you're human and can vote, please vote Obama/Biden for the love of dog! Sorry this one was a bit too political...maybe next time I'll stick to dog-chow and pedigree. Til next time, woof!

Long live freedom! The struggle continues....

-Rolfina "X"