Who is Barack Obama?

And here's a funny speech at a recent convention

Changes

Man, did they hit this on the mark! Healthcare, Economy, Relief Aid, Real Estate, and the war - just blunder after blunder. "Change?" I don't know about that though..as a wise man once said, "some things'll never change." But he also said, "we ain't ready to see a Black president" and in that, I sincerely hope he's wrong. So change we must! :)

8 Million Stories

Hey everyone, so I've been working on my blog lately while putting aside the important things on my to-do-list (you know my steez!) But really, now that its officially launched I feel good and have high hopes for it. I've been in a creative rut for a long time for reasons of which many of you know already, and I may or may not expound upon in a later post for the rest of my loyal subjects (don't wait up!) I'm glad this idea was suggested by a good, close friend. Thanks for the idea and support J! Let's do this. Also, the idea of using initials is a great idea, thanks for the inspiration P! I hear its quite therapeutic to just blab out whatever is on your mind and so, as a disclaimer, this blog won't be G-rated folks, sorry. For a mind that's as messed up as mine, strong words need to be used every now and then. Though I won't deflate, cheapen, or dilute the power of a good cuss, they will be used only when most natural and appropriate.

F*@^! oh sorry that was just a test. Ehem, anyways, so..where was I? Right, so I know I already posted on this topic earlier [see "the Sky is the limit" entry] but I just want to drive home the fact that I will be posting a lot of random thoughts and/or material too that may/may not interest you but that doesn't mean that you should zone out. Or that I give you permission to zone out. I will spice things up every now and then (more-so then) with some **garam masala kiddies so stay tuned for that.

Also, a keynote for those who know me personally, y'all are my family & friends, I love you. You are the people I expect to be at my wedding(s), my birthdays, celebrations of joy, with me on my days of sadness and grief, and my funeral (God willing.) I don't expect the following from you but just in-case, it needs to be stated: You may be surprised by some of the things you will find here, or you may not. You may learn something new about me that you didn't previously know or you may see something that you didn't see before. To those who want to judge, there's only room for one on the judgment seat and His name rhymes with "Nod." So please, if you wanna judge me go get your J.D first and start up your own court TV show. To those who make it their business to pry into other people's lives only to spread rumors, gossip, backbite, and slander, congratulations, how salty is my flesh on a scale of 1-10? (Don't answer that.) True friends stick by you through the changes of the seasons and the reasons. And to the "big brother" government who's got his watchful eye on all of us, don't worry - I'm still your slave just like everyone else..you're doing an excellent job. Just be sure to tell my new master about my needs when he swears-in in January. Thanks! And now, for some good ol' hiphop. ['8 Million Stories' by A Tribe Called Quest.]




** "garam masala" for all you non-SouthEast sub-continent dwellers is a hot spice used in cooking and probably other activities.

Anime Review - DeathNote

Finally! After watching this series for almost a year now, (by putting it off for several months at a time,) I've finally finished watching the last episode and all I can say is - WOW. Now I know what most of you are thinking - it must be THAT boring that he put it off for so long, but this past year's been insanely crazy. In all honesty it's anything but boring.

Deathnote is an intriguing psychological suspense-thriller; the first of its kind that I've ever seen (in anime,) and possibly the best of the bunch (if there is a sub-genre in fact.) Right from the beginning, the suspense keeps the anime rolling FAST until about 1/3 to mid-way, then it slows down for a bit, and picks right back up where it left off and goes out with a bang. Yes that is cliche, but its the way I like to describe this series and since it's my review I can say whatever I want!

The plot is what makes the series so interesting. One day a bored shinagami (death-god/angel) drops this notebook called "Deathnote" into the human world just for fun; shortly after, all hell (or heaven according to the wielder of the notebook) breaks loose. The notebook, "Deathnote" gives the holder of the book the power to kill anyone whose name is written down, provided they know the victim's face and full, real name. Enter Yagami Light, a high school student and genius whose fate it was to come across the book. After having learned of the powers of the book, through the instruction and assistance from the shinagami, Light-kun decides that the world, full of corrupt criminals and evil-doers, must be cleansed and purified and that he was chosen to fulfill this task. Using his genius to fulfill his purpose, Light starts eliminating the world's criminals one-by-one. The world comes to fear the iron-justice that is hidden behind the notebook. He will soon be known simply as "Kira." However, there is a party of people out to stop Kira and solve the mystery behind his identity. Just when it seems like Kira is unstoppable there appears one formidable enough to capture Kira and reveal his true identity - the Detective "L." What follows is an intense exchange of genius between the two as both rivals read and predict each others moves. Who will win? Kira or L? Has Kira truly met his match? Will he succeed in creating the new world he seeks? Will Kira ever be caught? Nearly every episode will leave you hanging with these questions until the very end!

This is an intelligent anime that gives the impression of a psychological clash between two super-human thinkers, just like two godly chess players going at it. The exchanges between Kira and L are very engaging and makes the viewer eager to see what happens next. Just how Kira escapes L, and how L responds keeps the pace going pretty well. Without revealing too much however, there is some use of supporting characters that is debatable and even questionable at times, yet somehow their importance plays out eventually so the anime does a decent job of tying up the loose ends. The music is good, a bit repetitive, but suites the mood of the anime pretty well. The characters are likeable, I especially admired Kira and L (how cool would it be if you could think as quickly and sharply as them?)

Despite many months of hiatus from this series, it was very interesting to watch and apparently its got quite a following, seeing as how it spawned at least 2 (maybe 3) live action films! The only criticism I would have of this anime is that it does drag-out a bit at times, and makes you wonder if some things were even necessary, but I guess that can't be helped. All-in-all it was an entertaining watch and I do recommend it for those who are curious to see this type of genre exhibited in an anime.

Story: 9/10
Presentation: 8.5/10
Characters: 8/10
Music: 6.5/10
Value: 8.5/10
Quirks: 5.5/10 (+4.5)

Review: 7.5/10

THE GOOD: Wow. Great story-telling! Psychologically thrilling and suspenseful
THE BAD: The slow moments make it seem all the more so from the otherwise fast pace
THE UGLY: Near, Mellow. Nuff said.

Jdrama Review - Ichi Rittoru no Namida (1 Liter of Tears)

Ok, for those of you who don't know what this is. 1 Liter of Tears (Ichi Rittoru no Namida) is a Japanese drama based off of a book (a diary more specifically,) by the same name. The diary is real and concerns the struggles and hardships in the life of Aya Kitou. When she was only 15, Aya was diagnosed with a very cruel and incurable disease - Spinocerebellar atrophy/ataxia. It is a degenerative, progressive disease that eventually immobolizes the victim utterly. The disease progressively deteriorates the cerebellum of its victims thus symptoms include visual impairments, poor distance judgment, poor balance, and eventually loss of mobility, speech, coordination, etc. As debilitating as it is, the disease only affects the physical body and not the mental abilities of its victims, thus making the victims (as others have put it,) "prisoners" within themselves. At the suggestion of her doctor, Aya began to keep a diary from the age of 15. Slowly she began to lose more and more bodily functions. Though her life became gradually more and more difficult, Aya continued to live a normal life until she was forced to attend rehabilitation. She kept writing in her diary until she could no longer hold a pen. She died at the age of 25. After she died, her diary was published and has sold over 18+ million copies in Japan and her story continues to touch and inspire millions of people across the world. This is the real life story of Aya Kitou (known as Aya Ikeuchi in the drama) and it is by far, the most compelling, saddest, and most touching dramas I have ever seen.

Never in my entire life have I watched something - anything - that's made me cry this much! From episode one down to the final episode, the tears only increased. This is the only series that actually made me have to get a tissue before watching an episode!! (can you just imagine that!? lol) I also could not watch more than one episode a day because it was too much on the eyes. By the end of the last episode, I had used up all of my tissues, my eyes hurt and were red and my beard was soaked! At times I even cried out loud. And the scariest thing is that I'm not even lying. (For those of you who know me you know this is not an easy feat!)

Ok so I know what you're thinking. Either I'm totally a wimp or this drama has something special about it. Well, I would argue the latter, but in case you have any doubts you should go see it for yourself! This drama is so touching, and even though its sad, it will leave you with a positive air about life and that just living itself is a miracle and a true blessing. This is one of those dramas that should make you look at your life and reconsider things. I was going through depression and generally just a strange time before I watched this, but after watching it, it gave me an appreciation for life and taking things for granted. It put my own problems in proper perspective and gave me an appreciation for the struggles that some people have to go through just to do the simple things that most of us do effortlessly. Most importantly, it taught me to have courage and face life's hardships no matter how difficult and impossible it may seem. All of these lessons may have hit closer to home because my mother also has a disability (which is another reason why I cried so much,) but I think it speaks to all people really.

The cast is phenomenal. Sawajiri Erika (Ikeuchi Aya) and Nishikido Ryo (Asou Haruto) both gave flawless performances, as well as the rest of the supporting cast. The warmth of the Ikeuchi family is so touching and their support for Aya is really admirable. The musical score is great. K's Only Human is a perfect fit for this drama and only adds to the emotion of the whole story and atmosphere. From its many lessons, to its touching moments, to the pain that Aya feels expressed through her diary, this is a straight tear-jerker from start to finish. This is one of those dramas that is destined to be a timeless classic for people of all ages to appreciate - a true masterpiece. I will definitely treasure this story for as long as I can. Thank you Aya-san for showing us the strength to live on.

Presentation/Story: 10/10
Characters: 10/10
Setting: 9/10
Music: 10/10
Value: 10/10
Quirks: 0/10 (+10)


THE GOOD: WOW..Finally a drama that forces you to go see an optometrist after you've finished it! Only reason the setting gets a 9 is because there's no other category that could possibly be below a 10!
THE BAD: God forbid you run out of tissues!
THE UGLY: Your face in the mirror after an episode.


Review: 9.8/10

Jdrama Review - Long Vacation

Before commenting on the drama itself, its important to say a word on the significance this drama had over time. Long Vacation was first aired on Japanese TV in 1996, it was the first drama that Kimura Takuya worked in; heralding-in the "Kimutaku" craze that swept over Japan the following decade or so, often being regarded as a classic drama for this fact alone. For those who don't know, Kimura Takuya is widely regarded as one of Japan's top actors. And I must admit, this was the first drama of his that I've seen and though I can't say he's among the best just yet, I see the potential that people attribute to him. All of his dramas have been well-received and according to jdorama.com, he is voted as the number #1 actor in Jdrama. Kimura Takuya's performance in Long Vacation was pretty good, but then again so was the rest of the cast so it's hard to single-out any one actor in this drama.

Having said that, Long Vacation is a pretty solid drama. Great casting, good soundtrack, and a somewhat normal, everyday storyline. Though it was a bit slow-to-start, LV catches the interest of the viewer as the story progresses. The story revolves around a young pianist named Sena (Kimura Takuya) and Minami (Yamaguchi Tomoko) and how their platonic friendship slowly turns into romance. After being stood up by her husband-to-be on their wedding day, Minami has no choice but to go to her fiance's apartment, only to find that he has left the scene and she meets Sena, his roommate. Having no where to go she decides to stay with Sena until her fiance returns but slowly she realizes that he will never return. Sena allows her to stay as a sort of "long vacation" until she fixes her life back but the two of them grow close as friends while pursuing their own interests. The drama really picks up towards the end when they both realize just how much they liked each other after supposedly moving on.

In its favor, LV offers good & likeable cast of characters to the screen. Being a story revolving around a pianist, the soundtrack was pretty good (I wouldn't say amazing, but good.) Though I have to admit, I LOVE the opening song! The script, although I have both good and bad to say concerning it, was for the most part successful at making the drama feel less like a drama and more like real life. There was very little dramatic pauses or phrases here and there so when they did happen it felt all the more dramatic. The story itself wasn't too bad either and I think it tackles the issue of platonic friendships between men & women pretty well.

If I had to pick a downside to the drama, I would say its probably due to the believable-everyday feel of the dialogue within the script that both acted as something new and different yet at the same time made the drama feel a bit slow. It only really started to feel like an actual drama by around episode 8 or 9. For this reason it felt a bit dragged at parts but otherwise the good, casual acting on the part of the actors made it feel very believable and real (which was nice.) The characters themselves felt very real and therefore both likeable and annoying. That is good casting! In short, the script acted as a double-edged sword, both adding a new face to the drama and yet hurting it at the same time.

All-in-all, Long Vacation is enjoyable to watch. I plan on watching more of Kimura's dramas as I hear that the others are even better. There's also a rumor that Long Vacation 2 is in the works so if that's true, definitely pick this one up beforehand!

Presentation/Story: 8.5/10
Characters: 8.5/10
Setting: 7/10
Music: 7.5/10
Value: 9/10
Quirks: 4.5/10 (5.5)

THE GOOD: Who doesn't want to have a "Long Vacation" of their own? So romantic! ;p
THE BAD: Yea ok, that never happens in real life..does it?
THE UGLY: Yawwwwn! Oh wait, did i just miss the second half of the episode?

Review: 7.7/10

Jdrama Review - Taiyou no Uta (Song to the Sun)

Ok so I don't know if its better translated as "Ode to the Sun" or "Song to the Sun" but in anycase, this drama is good. It's about a girl who has XP, a [rare?] skin disease that prevents her from having any contact with sunlight. As a consequence, she becomes a "moon child;" living her life at night, helping her parents at their restaurant and writing music. Her story becomes intertwined with a young man who left music due to something in his past. But with time she changes him and he changes her. The two of them, along with friends, form a dream together of debuting their band only to be met with a stroke of tragedy.

Kaoru Amane (Sawajiri Erika) is both the character on-screen and the stage name for Erika's own musical career, as she wrote/performed the songs for this drama. Sawajiri Erika (the actress,) has a flair for tragedy. Many people compare this drama to her previous masterpiece, Ichi Rittoru no Namida* (1 Liter of Tears) in which she played another character who dies from a rare disease. The difference is that 1 Liter was based off of a true story and this drama is not. Also, if one watches 1 Liter first (like I did,) this drama seems kind of like a softer rehash. But in its credit, it is a good standalone drama and even if you've seen 1 Liter before it this drama still has a lot of different things to offer.

For one thing, the soundtrack is great and the setting is wonderful. There's something about living under the moon that is magical, mysterious, and even romantic; almost like giving off the sense of being in another world. The characters are fun and not too complex. The story is mainly driven by Kaoru and Kouji (Yamada Takayuki) but the supporting cast makes it more entertaining. If you're not into the really heavy and tragic types of drama, then you're better off watching this drama compared to 1 Liter. I enjoyed watching this one and I think the rest of you will too.

**Presentation/Story: 8/10
Characters: 7/10
Setting: 8.5/10
Music: 10/10
Value: 7/10
***Quirks: 3/10 (+7)


THE GOOD: 1 Liter of Tears now in chewable form for kids - only with more romance & less tears. Erika Sawajiri's hotness. Erika Sawajiri's music. (did i mention the hotness?)
THE BAD: Good effort, but if I have to choose between Erika's two tragedies, I'll stick with 1 Liter of Tears thanks.
THE UGLY: That stupid reporter!!


Review: 7.9/10


FOOTNOTES -
* [see my review for Ichi Rittoru no Namida:]

** Presentation/Story is now grouped together because some dramas are based off of true stories so there's not much room for adding fictional elements all the time. This is where the importance of presentation comes into play and for the fictional stories it will be judged based on the plot.

*** this is a new category. I realized that if I keep to my previous scale most of the dramas will fall into a high-tier rating which would make me seem like a pansy of a critic :p So this category is basically everything thats wrong with the drama (in number form.) It is calculated arbitrarily like the others but when figured in to the final score it is added by the inverse of its score (e.g- quirks: 1/10 (+9) divided by all 6 other categories.

Jdrama Review - NHK's "Shinsengumi!"

NHK's 43rd Taiga* drama "Shinsengumi!" is perhaps the longest (or one of the longest) series I've ever seen. With 49, 46-minute episodes we're talking over 37.5 hours of Shinsengumi in total! That's a lot of samurai hack-n-slash you would think, but really the show was more about the brotherhood of the men who gathered under the Shinsengumi; men from all walks of life and the dreams they had under the flag. That's not to say that this drama didn't provide as an excellent source of historical knowledge.

Whether it is historically accurate or not, the drama gives one the impression of becoming a scholar of the late Edo period in Japanese history by the time one finishes watching the last episode. This is either exceptional production or truly research inspired. Either way, for anyone even remotely interested in the events of the late Edo period, or the Boshin War, or the Bakumatsu leading to the fall of the Tokugawa Shogunate and the events leading up to the formation of the new Meiji government, this drama is a must see!!

Now that's the boring historical aspect of it. 99% of the people who watch this drama however, did not watch it for this purpose. The main characters of the drama (men under Kondo Isami's faction) are all likeable, simple and yet unique & gallant within their own right. In fact, there interactions together, the brotherhood, the jokes, the drama, the love interests, the sacrifices, the dreams, the battles, and their ultimate tragic end are what keeps this drama so entertaining and worth the whole 49 episode stretch. Much of the success of this chemistry is in the actors themselves who convincingly played the roles of their historic ghosts brought into light. Most noteworthy is Katori Shingo (Kondo Isami,) a member of SMAP - a Japanese teen idol singer. His otherwise silly, goofy, and metrosexual offstage aura is totally erased as Kondo Isami, and what an amazing portrayal! As a matter of fact, the same goes for the rest of the bunch who also happen to be teen idols. Watching the drama, you would never guess that these men aren't the archetypes of traditional Japanese manhood off-stage. I guess the Japanese are good at transformations (people who watch a lot of anime should catch the joke :D)

The only real drag about this drama is exactly that - the drag. If you don't immerse yourself in the world of late 19th century Edo and Kyoto Japan then perhaps this drama is not for you. But even for those who are intrigued from the start, some episodes between major story arcs can seem a bit long and dragged out, bordering on the unnecessary dare I say. But these short sightings are next to nilch compared to all the other elements that have been praised.

As exciting as a period or historical drama can get, that's what Shinsengumi! is. The music is great, the mood is inspiring, the setting is authentic, and the value is ever-lasting. In fact, most viewers say this is rated as the best taiga drama yet. Even if I weren't a fan of the Shinsengumi, I would agree.

Presentation/Story: 8.5/10
Characters: 10/10
Setting: 9/10
Music: 8/10
Value: 8/10
Quirks: 3.5/10 (+6.5)


THE GOOD: You can beat anyone's ass in Shinsengumi Jeopardy. Cool samurai top-knots & battles. Plenty of macho-humming-like tunes to inspire you to change the nation!
THE BAD: 49 EPISODES??? Really, I think 20 would have been more than ample.
THE UGLY: Seppuku/Hara-kiri!!! (self-inflicted suicide, bushido style) also did i mention the 49 episodes thing?


Review: 8.3/10



* FOOTNOTE - For those of you who are wondering what a "taiga drama" is, its basically a drama that centers on Japanese nationalist themes and usually concerning something within the history of traditional Japan.

** About the photo - The flag of the Shinsengumi. It contains the Japanese character "makoto," which would render in English something to the effect of "sincerity/integrity" & "fidelity." It was said to be the outstanding quality of their leader, Kondo Isami. Shinsengumi members upheld the motto of their flag as best they could with a strict bushido code (i.e- samurai code.) And it encouraged the group to exhibit all the virtues of true samurai ideals.

Tear of Sincerity

By Ruhudeen Ali
August 15th, 2008

Tear of Sincerity,
Where have you gone?
Times long since passed have you been seen in this world.
A messenger from the heart, your message was always true.
But now you have disappeared and gone is sincerity along with you.
How does one gauge the stranger without you?
You have taken trust from this world and we haven’t a clue
About emotions we are left to guess if one is sincere or acting in jest.
Difficult has it become to read the faces of the people,
Without you, neutrality has taken the throne
rendering the good & evil as equals
The times have changed us and everybody has become numb.
Prancing to the evils of this world, we dance to its drums
You would show us the picture of the world inside one’s heart
But nowadays we all think we are too smart
that we can hide our true feelings and suppress
the beckoning of this world’s seductive temptress.
But sooner or later we will all come to realize the heart’s true prize -
The tears that once saved us from lies will one day return to our eyes.
And show the world again what it means to no longer pretend
To show the world that we wish to change ourselves and amend.
Lives full of lies we are sick of and we wish to be honest again.
Humanity has pleaded its case, we beg that our apathy you may erase
But until you return to this world we will be left to only assume
casting aside the benefit of the doubt and presume
the intentions of our fellow man and woman.
Bring with you fidelity to this world for it has been stolen
This task is left to you for you have been chosen.
Oh Tear of Sincerity! Show us the path to simplicity
away from the lies in our hearts and on to a life of felicity!

The Fleeting Breath

by Ruhudeen Ali
July 9th, 2006

What is the fleeting breath?
In its absence life is surely death.
We live for its presence behind every corner and moment,
but until it arrives to stir us from sleep, we lay dorment.
And when it arrives it opens up the eyes
showing us life’s pleasures we would otherwise never realize.
How can the mind perceive the same things as different,
when its judgment is based upon the same instruments?
And yet, the same sky one moment is blue, the next dark
strange is the mind that projects its own marks.
But truth be told, we are all like this
in our painful episodes there’s no room for happiness.
So instead of searching the skies for the answers, we turn to our hearts for the reason to live.
Oh, what we wouldn’t do for a moment of this life giving breath! What we wouldn’t give!
Most my life has been spent in search of this breath,
but despite knowing this, patience is all that’s left.
The child in everyday adventures, the teen in youthful follies, in the sigh of the adult
all seek the fleeting breath…

What is a Memory

By Ruhudeen Ali

What is a memory?
A memory is you and I
What is a memory?
A memory is a picture captured in time
What is a memory?
A memory is a dream so high
What is a memory?
A memory is when dreams evoke sighs
What is a memory?
A memory is feelings in the soul
What is a memory?
A memory is happiness in being together
What is a memory?
A memory is seeking each other’s pleasure
What is a memory?
A memory is an incomplete goal
What is a memory?
A memory is life’s toll
What is a memory?
A memory is having meaning
What is a memory?
A memory is an experience that was demeaning
What is a memory?
A memory is a traumatic experience
What is a memory?
A memory is moral perseverance
What is a memory?
A memory is bold thoughts
What is a memory?
A memory is being found and lost
What is a memory?
A memory is a tug boat in a black sea
What is a memory?
A memory is regret for what couldn’t be
What is a memory?
A memory is naivety
What is a memory?
A memory is blasphemy
What is a memory?
A memory is the struggle
What is a memory?
A memory is remembering God
What is a memory?
A memory is leaving the path
What is a memory?
A memory is concealed wrath
What is a memory?
A memory is trying to come back
What is a memory?
A memory is not knowing what to do
What is a memory?
A memory is your twisted point of view
What is a memory?
A memory is finding someone like you
What is a memory?
A memory is realizing there is no such thing
What is a memory?
A memory is patience wearing thin
What is a memory?
A memory is self-mortification
What is a memory?
A memory is humiliation
What is a memory?
A memory is a life of pain
What is a memory?
A memory is occassional gains
What is a memory?
A memory is trying to smile in a fake world
What is a memory?
If only for a while
What is a memory when it fades?
A memory is you and I..

Fall

By Ruhudeen Ali

The landscape is dressed in remnants of autumn leaves
salted by snow, biting from the wind
This evening I remember you.
Warm memories of our past cause me to forget
but the sight before me is the reality;
a cold life without you. I fall like so many.
buried in white, that is my end.
my love, where have you gone?

Life

By Ruhudeen Ali

Childhood - a time of youthful spirit.
Innocence, comfort, joy, no worries.
Every direction, a frontier to be explored.
Every moment, an adventure unfolding.
Every morning, a new page.
Anticipation of hopes and dreams.
Awaiting life’s journey ahead.

Adolescence - a time of shocking discoveries.
Anxiety, frustration, sadness, loneliness, laughter.
A period of ripening - neither this nor that. Of unrequited lovers.
Mischievous undertakings, while undermining authorities.
Crying in your room - realizing something you didn’t want to.
Life’s mysteries unfolding.

Adulthood - a time of duties and pressures.
Drab monotony, restriction, regret, contentment.
Each day, the same thing - no surprises.
Seeing everything under the sun, wondering what’s left to be seen.
Overburdened by responsibilities, the colors of life running thin.
Seeking rest and retirement - looking back on your life.
Awaiting death.

Junction at The Lonely Path

By Ruhudeen Ali
June 2nd, 2006

With my lost soul, I stumble upon a lonely path.
Autumn’s leaves wet from rain have fallen from the trees’ heights.
They decorate the path with a mixture of fresh dew and stagnant death.
As I traverse this path, the thoughts of my mind enter with fury and leave gently like the forest’s wind.
Like the leaves of the path, they were once filled with life - golden and vibrant in their prime.
But now they have withered and fallen from this rain of tears, there is no place for them on the tree.
So instead they mark the path of loneliness and apathy.
The ground is wet from obscure puddles, with leaves - brown, oak, yellow, and golden.
How sad? And yet, its beauty entices me to walk further down.
Only to discover the sounds of a nearby town.
I follow the signs until I am taken on a new path.
How memorable was the journey down the colorful lonely path..

The Diamond Heart

By Ruhudeen Ali
March 17th, 2006

The heart is a diamond, beautiful to the beholders but in essence only a hardened stone.
It glitters through its pretty speech but it was buried deep within the earth.
Being formed through thousands of years of compression, is it a wonder that people flock to this stone?
“A girl’s best friend!” What makes you so precious? Besides your form what else do you have to offer?
You are soft to the eyes but hard to the touch.
Your beauty blinds us to your coarse nature.
Your origin was a forgotten land.
How much effort did it take to bring you out of it?
Diamonds are not rare, they’re found in everyone’s chest.
They attract the shallow of mind only to be let down in the end.
So before you chase madly in pursuit of this rock,
remember that the bowels of earth will one day again be its inheritor.

Portrait of the Self-Nemesis

By Ruhudeen Ali

I met him on a cold night on a train.
A gentle stranger staring out his window seat.
Mild in appearance, calm in exterior.
A youth who could pass for my brother, yet frail in face.
His eyes spoke of a rage within, a chaos which none knew.
Suddenly a voice whispers in my ear, telling me of his tale:
“He is a cowardly man who is slowly, reluctantly, yet surely
killing himself.
Amusing himself by living life’s amusements
he forgets his suicidal path to numb the pain of his self-hatred.
His memory fades while he forgets who he was.
Two-faced, he smiles at the world and bares fangs at his own self-image
he plays the folly because he is unwilling to tell anyone his tale
and thus his misery is dragged on needlessly..”
Indeed, he doesnt know the tale himself but somehow I knew
that one day his story will come to an end...inevitably.
As these thoughts crept in, pity overtook me.
Then he looked at me and I read words in his eyes that sent shivers down my spine:

“What’s the value in years of creation when it doesn’t amount to a moment’s worth of destruction?”

That’s when I realized that he knew what I knew of his story.
And so I was reminded of a poem by a friend which brought me to tears as I got off the train:

“When he does not press forward
he becomes a timid light
seeping through the mesh of night
much paler than the moon
that history has muted
what brilliance could have been
such radiance in him
will die out much too soon.”

-Patricia Paul

Colors of Life & Death

What really gives meaning to life? I wonder, could it be death? If life is defined by death just as a line or ray is defined by its ending (or lack thereof,) then what if death no longer held any meaning? Would life too, no longer hold any meaning, just as a ray would not be a ray if it did not end and a line would not be a line if it ended?

Death means a lot of things to a lot of people. Granted, none of us has actually experienced death in the flesh but we have been exposed to it throughout our lives. In fact, (as I’ve stated earlier,) I believe death is what actually defines life. Defining in the sense of limiting, shaping or moulding, and giving change and color to life by means of contrast. The exchange of two contrasting opposites will yield a full range of variables just as white and black together create new shades of color. Rather, it is the spectrum of colors that is found between the two contrasts, black and white. Similarly life is found between birth and death. And along the path of life there are many such opposites. If life and death are opposites, then between the two we will find joy and sorrow, comfort and suffering, gain and loss.

So if our entire lives are shaped by the exchange between two opposites, what then happens if those fundamentally different, intrinsically contrasting opposites were to change themselves? What if white was no longer white and black no longer black? What if birth and death were no longer birth and death? If birth was death and death was birth? How then would we define our lives?

Most often we tend to view birth as the beginning of life; symbolizing the good of joys and bounties to come. But frankly, birth is the beginning of suffering and sacrifice. It is when we are thrown into this world that we develop desires and attachment to things we cannot have so already we are losing more than we wish to gain. We are exposed to so many ideas and desires arise for which nothing can be done. We are losing the moment we are born, one day at a time, closer to death. That would, of course, be a dreaded thing if death were (as we define it) as being a bottomless void of nothingness. But even if that were the case, is not nothingness better than losing? Neutrality over pain and loss? No conscious awareness at all as opposed to conscious grief? Were this to be true, death would, as it seems, be better than life. But if death were a pit of hellfire, then it would seem that life is worth more joy than death as there is more to lose in death than in life. If death was the beginning of endless torture, then we should seek to live our lives to the utmost capacity in true happiness and gratefulness. And yet if death was the beginning of true happiness or at the very least the end of all suffering, then death would seem to be the true life.

Because from the perspective of loss, life only contains losing - there is nothing to be gained. The moment we are born we are given things of which, throughout life, we slowly start to lose. We slowly lose our abilities, our memories, our relationships, and eventually everything we’ve experienced in life (through death.) There is only net loss. But from another perspective we have only to gain from life. We are born with givens yes, but those givens contain no meaning until filled with the experiences of use found in life. Our five senses are essentially senseless until used. For what is taste without its subject? Touch without something to touch? Sight without something to behold? Hearing without sounds to process? And smell without odors or fragrances? And what of those senses if they contain no meaning? What is the taste of chicken without its meaning to you? (Does it taste good or bad? Do you enjoy it or dislike it?) What is the touch of fire and the touch of a lover if one did not hurt and the other was not pleasurable? What of sight if seeing pleasurable things did not lead to good thoughts and if seeing bad things to unpleasant ones? Similarly what of the other senses if they did not create contrasts of good and bad and everything in between? For it is what is in-between that holds the meaning. Good cannot be considered as “good” unless there was bad and everything beneath it just as bad would not exist if there were no good nor anything above it. Now if there is good and bad, then there is also better or worse in-between. A thing cannot be defined as better or worse if it has no contrast to compare itself to. A good thing can still be considered as good even if there are things that are better than it (making it worse but still good.) But if exposed to enough “better” things, what was initially considered as “good” can now be considered as bad, worse, or even worst. Being shocked is a bad feeling but how can mild electric shock possibly feel good if you were never exposed to it? Maybe it might feel better compared to being burned as “template experience.” So now being mildly shocked is bad but still better than being burned. And if I had to either be shocked, burned, cut, or beaten, I might even conclude that the mild shock is the best! The point is, the experience or situation had to be compared to another experience and hence derived its meaning. Meanings are given to experiences by way of contrasting them to initial template experiences (e.g- the example of the man who was burned then shocked.) And these template experiences constantly shift our definitions of what is good, bad, better, worse, best, and worst.

The same can be said of life and death, what is considered living and what is considered dying is determined by shades of meaning (good/bad, better/worse, etc.) Since meanings are relative to an individual’s experience and perspective, it is hard if not impossible to assume an agreeable constant for standard of living and dying. One million people may agree that sacrificing your life for a loved one is suicide and a waste of life. But what is considered as a ‘waste’ is left to interpretation. Maybe that person had already wasted his life according to his own understanding and now finds meaning and purpose in sacrificing it for a loved one. So if we cannot measure or compare our ‘goods’ and ‘bads’ to that of others’, then how is it that we relate so well? It is a miracle that we can even understand each other, let alone agree with one another! My ‘goods’ may be in agreement with the ‘goods’ of others and yet contrast with the ‘bads’ of others, while yet being ‘better’ or ‘worse’ than others’ goods’ and ‘bads’. Just like colors, we may agree on the color itself but dispute the shade. And this is how we communicate and understand one another. If black and white were not our contrasting anchors, we would not have colors to agree on; no colors to dispute on. But the colors themselves create the meanings and the agreements and disputes. Without them there would be nothing. In the same way, if birth and death were not our contrasting anchors, how would we know what is life and what is death and which experiences lie closer to one as opposed to the other within the spectrum?

I come back now to the theory of loss and gain again. Is life ultimately a big loss or gain for us? And is it the same for death? Life can either be good or bad compared to death, while one is better/worse than the other. According to the net loss perspective, life is nothing but loss and nothing is gained from it (or at least all things gained are lost through death.) This is under the assumption that death is nothingness and the human conscience (as we know it) ceases to exist. For example, any number divided by Zero becomes undefined; and that is death. However, if the quotient is undefined then the whole equation becomes undefined and becomes a meaningless operation. If death is undefined than so is life, but if life is undefined then life and death both become meaningless. So then what was the purpose of acquiring all this meaning in life if death is the great Zero divisor? Clearly as we have seen, if death has no meaning, then life has no meaning just as how a dividend becomes undefined if the divisor equals Zero then the quotient equals nothing. If death has no meaning, then life is pointless and it may as well be ended at any time since there is only loss. But that cannot be the case because we know life has meaning, we all have acquired meaning within our lives; meanings and definitions of all sorts of things. So the dividend has a value, no doubt about it. However, death is only given meaning within life itself. There is no pre-life manual or post-partum debriefing. All things must be defined between birth and death. Life, therefore, gives meaning to all things even itself. There is a number that acts in exactly the same way, it is the number One. One is the basis and definition of all numbers, for each number and definition is derived from the One. Two consists of two One’s, Three of three One’s, Four of four One’s and so on ad infinitum. So One is the quintessential meaning of all things. A thing is neither considered good or bad, better or worse except that it is X-degrees better or worse than something else, and all are determined by the One degree templates.

So it must be that if life has a value, then death too must have a value since we are giving meaning to everything in life. I am giving meaning to death in this very passage. Death then has a value, it is not the Zero divisor. There is however, only one birth and only one death for each individual but there are an infinite number of possibilities for life. Death then, should have at least one meaning. That would mean that whatever number of meanings acquired in life, death would simplify those meanings to be equal or less. For example, say the average person acquires over 100,000,000,000,000 meanings in life, if death is only 1 of those meanings, or at most a couple, then the net is either 100,000,000,000,000 meanings or less. Now what exactly is meant by “net meanings?” Net meanings are meanings which still have value after death. If death is not nothingness, then death has meaning and its meaning can only be compared to the countless number of meanings one has acquired throughout life. Which is more valuable? The net meanings acquired in life or the meaning of death? It depends on how death is defined. Now it cannot be that both life and death have infinite meanings since theoretically, we can never know until both life and death are experienced. As far as we are aware, there is no meaning before life and no meaning after death [not to be confused with meaning in death,] all meanings are acquired within life. That is to say, all values are only defined between birth and death and that birth and death themselves are values given meaning within life. There are, however, an infinite number of values left undefined within life, there are meanings left unexplored. Death is a value with limited meanings but cannot be undefined. It is defined upon experience. It may well be that whatever net meaning was acquired throughout life will also be acquired at death; making infinity divided by infinity equal One.

In other words, death can never have more meaning than life since it is through life that we acquire meaning on an infinite array of values whereas death is only one of those values. Life is the sum of all values. It must then be the case that death will carry on our meanings that we’ve acquired throughout life. It can never amount to Zero or nothingness. Death may well reduce our meanings to the ones that were important enough to continue beyond life, and that may even be only one thing, one meaning, or it can be much much more. So is life a net loss or gain? Givens are lost in life but meanings can only be gained and are never lost. You cannot lose a definition or meaning of something, it can only be replaced, expanded, or modified in some way. Life is the summation of positive or negative meanings - either good or bad. But since meaning itself is a gain by nature of its being, net meaning must yield a positive number. That is to say, there can only be so much bad meaning that can be derived from life as compared to the countless positive meanings we are unaware of such as the meanings of thoughts, dreams, feelings, emotions, etc. And although each of those can be divided among good and bad, the net good outweighs the net bad. There are those who claim that bad meanings and experiences dominate over good ones. But my argument is that that is simply because there are so many good meanings in their lives that the few bad ones stick out like a sore thumb and steal all the attention away. Afterall, when one reflects, is stressed, or worried, do they contemplate all the good meanings in life or mostly the bad? As stated before, bad can only exist if there is good. There must be good experiences hidden deep within themselves that they have become blinded to by their focus on the bad. All this, however, is simply my observation. If you are one of the unfortunate ones to see nothing but bad meanings in all things, please search for positive meaning in this attempt and add something positive to your experience in life.

The Sky is the Limit

Yes indeed y'all, the sky is the limit my friends. Now as far as that phrase and this blog are concerned, I would like to utilize this blog as a space for anything and everything. My world, my thoughts, my-space (don't worry Tom from Myspace, i hyphenated it so don't come at me with copyright claims.)

Just to give you all a taste of what's to come, swallow this - A breakfast of political and/or social commentary, with a nice, tall & cold glass of jokes to wash it all down, lunch with a side of entertainment reviews of all kinds, and dinner with my personal dairy and let's not forget to top it off with the dessert of my sweet random thoughts. If you're still hungry for some more there's plenty of leftovers that can be explored so do stay tuned. Check please!

Bitchin - Er..Blogging in the 21st Century

"'God" (or the "devil") as they say, "is in the details." With millions of blogs going up daily, just how does one grab the attention to detail of the random passer-byer on this crazy thing called the internet? Now you can pretty much tell that I'm a 20th century guy, that I can even refer to the internet as something "crazy." But truth be told, my generation (shout out to all you '80's folk out there in net-land) has seen the post-office, for example - an age-old institution - become a vestige of society; almost completely relegated to the ever important job of sending us billing statements and other "oh shit!" reminders that we love every morning with our coffee and a side of headache. No wait, actually, with paperless billing and the like, even that function has been replaced. So then, what function does the post-office really play, besides old memories of yester-years awaiting the arrival of the courier to see if the love letter you sent last month has gotten its response, or everyone's favorite, signing up for selective service? (as can be seen here:)



It's scary isn't it? (the commercial, yes.) Truth is, the post office and other old institutions are remnants of the old world we're leaving behind. Today's world, starting with we 21st centurians, from now on will get to enjoy everything digital, virtual, mechanized, templated, de-personalized, and devoid of any human touch. It's kinda funny actually, how our society has "progressed" to the point of wanting to do away with all the nuances of bothersome human idiosyncracies, for the sake of rapid production and societal growth. This sounds great if you're a robot looking for work, rather than a human being trying to live spiritually and empathetically with all your fellow man and woman in our day and times. Dare I ask, as great as it sounds, just what the hell is all this "rapid production" really doing? Growth for what? It often seems like we wake between 5-6AM to go to work, endure a stressful day, come back by 7PM just to knock ourselves out. Oh wait, we can't do that cuz our 2nd job kicks in (for those of you with spouse/live-in lover and/or kids.) Life has just become so demanding today that the joy of spending time doing all things sacred (will leave that up to the readers to define,) has been sucked out by the vampire known as "empire" - the hallmark of our society. And this madness called the "developed world" is what we wish to push on countries who are happy living the simple life? Gimme a break! We've got the technology to cure so many diseases but our "advanced" societies suffer from more modern day illnesses than more primitive societies from all the stress that we bare. Ever useful is the reminder from Harry Chapin on how our lives should not be living amongst our family and children in this crazy corporate Mcworld of ourselves:



And its sadly true. Each generation of ours is enslaved to a system pushing us towards eventual rewards for which, in reality, none of us will be benefitting from because neither we, nor our children, nor our grandchildren and future pedigree will ever stop in seeking this blissful nothing. Slavery it seems has evolved from the days of whips of coarse material to the present-day whips of endless debt and the threat of bankruptcy. And as we chase after this green damsel, federally reserved, we lose our sense of purpose in this world - which is to never really figure out what our purpose is in the first place (or at least not have it fed to us by the feds - hah!) A purpose, which is ours to discover, give meaning to, cherish, establish, and spread within our lives. And so, in sparing you all a doctoral thesis here on how to live and enjoy life, I say be the example of happiness that you wish others to emulate, bitching (as I was only doing by way of illustration mind you..ehem) will only create negative energy which is not good for our energy needs in today's world. Let's try to encourage and remind everyone we know that we, the people, are the most valuable resource to this world. Because a bad human being is the cancer of this planet, while a good human being is its savior. Each of us is a Superman and a Wonder-woman in the making. Let's caste aside the anthem of slavery [see below] for something more meaningful and fullfilling.