Memoirs of a Female Dog [Entry #2]

March 11th, 2009

Hey canines wsup!? It's your bitch Rolfina in da hut here 'bout to make some major noise (cuz I think somebody's trying to break-in the master's house! Just kidding.) Anywoofs, guess what!? Since my last entry a while back I found me a hottttt dog and yup, you guessed it - we're going steady! His name is Mutthew, he's a sexy Greyhound. Slim but muscular, classy (he wears a bow around his neck,) dare I say "ruff-ined" even, if you will, (WOL) 5 o'clock whiskers, and battle scars too - just dreamy! So yea me and my dog where having some Kibbles 'n Bits together for lunch when all of a sudden - outta nowhere - he barks, "will you copulate with me?" I almost bit off my tongue! I didn't know what to say to him cuz we had just met at breakfast time so it didn't give me much time to think really...but then, he got real serious. He bent down on both hinds and grabbed my paw and put his over mine. I didn't know what to expect but then he said, "I'm really serious, you're the only bitch in my life, I wanna have 45 pups with you and only you." That made me cry. Then he did the sweetest thing and wiped my tear away and gave me a nose rub with his nose....The next thing I know a nose rub turned into a french nose rub and well, I guess you can figure out what happened afterwards....

Fast forward a few dog months and it turns out, I'm pregnant! (HOLY DOG! right?) So I was kinda excited to tell him, but when I told him he denied it was him! But do you know WHY he denied it? CUZ the doggone dog was neutered even before I met him! Now I'm left thinkin, "seriously, who the WOOF got me pregnant!?!? I will catch that son of a bitch and make his owner neuter the bastard!" So again, fast-forward a few gestational periods and I find out what happened. I wasn't actually pregnant because I didn't give birth to anything, I just got reeeeeeally FAT! Can you believe it!?!?!? WMAO!! Here I was thinkin the whole time Mutthew lied to me about him being neutered when in fact he was telling the truth! I feel so bad now how I dogged him out the way I did....I wasn't carrying his pups or any other son of a bitch's!

So basically now that the summer is coming up I plan on getting back into shape, try to drag my groggy master up from his bed early in the morning so we could do some laps (gotta focus on my thighs this summer!) Despite my near traumatic experience I will maybe try to find a nice dogfriend this summer, haters can sniff my ass for all I care. The way I see it, its time to settle down for real so woof what ya heard! Besides, its the season of heat anyway (no pun-intended.) Can't keep this figure lookin the way it did years ago when dogs would salivate after I galloped by. That's right bitches, I know you're the jealous type that wanna steal a bitch's canine like that but home-bitch don't play! I got some sharp paws waiting for you bitch-woofers so don't get me started! Phew..sorry I just had to get that off my chest. It's a lonely world out there....Wouldn't mind having a pup or two of my own. Too bad Mutthew can't help in that department..but he does have a cute brother ;) Woofwoofwoof! Well, thought I'd catch you up on things. 'Til next time, this is Rolfina scratching off. Woof!

P.S- My Summer message: "Make woof, not war!"

-Rolfina X